Survive life as an INFJ? by Andrew Parodi,

An INFJ is a personality type, as categorized by the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. The test helps you discover whether you are an "Introvert" or an "Extravert"; an "iNtuitive" or a "Sensor"; a "Thinker" or a "Feeler"; a "Judger" or a "Perceiver".

* INTROVERTs recharge by spending time alone.
* EXTRAVERTs recharge by spending time with others.

* INTUITIVEs are interested in future possibilities and trusts their hunches.
* SENSORs are more interested in trusting their past experiences.

* FEELERs prefer to make personal judgments, and are likely to feel how others are feeling.
* THINKERs prefer to make impersonal judgments and are not likely to take on others' emotions.

* JUDGERs work to completion on projects. They usually do not like to leave things undone. Once a decision has been made, they prefer to stick with it.
* PERCEIVERs are process oriented. They believe the final decision can always be revised.

At the end of the test you are given four letters that indicate your perferences and personality type. For more information on the Myers Briggs personality test, you can read 'Gifts Differing : Understanding Personality Type', and for a male perspective: 'Sixteen Men: Understanding Masculine Personality Types'.

Only about 1% of the population is of the INFJ - Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging - personality type. We are known for our empathy and intuition. The following people were INFJ types: Mahatma Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Martin Luther King Jr., Mr. Rogers, and perhaps Michael Landon. For a very good introduction to type, and to find out what type you are, I recommend 'Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence'.

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INFJs are sensitive people

Us INFJ types are known to be very sensitive and can very easily become overwhelmed by the world and others. My friend Jenny Cockell (author of 'Across Time And Death: A Mother's Search For Her Past Life Children') introduced me to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. She has pointed out to me that we live in a very extraverted world where it is hard for people to understand that there are some people (around 25% of the population) who are perfectly contented to spend a lot of time alone. Society seems to view introversion as wrong, and to view introverts with a hint of suspicion. This is not necessarily the case in other parts of the world. For example, observation indicates that in Asia introverted people are considered to be the ideal in terms of friendship. I myself have had experience with this. I was an un-popular kid at school in the United States, but when I lived in Japan for six weeks when I was seven - I was instantly popular everywhere I went!

INFJs are misunderstood

Because of our introverted preference, and the fact that we are quiet and reserved and often like to be alone, people often assume that INFJs are cold and do not like people. This has to do with the Western preference for extraverted people. But let me ask you, did Mahatma Gandhi like people? Did Martin Luther King Jr.? Did Eleanor Roosevelt? Absolutely, they liked people. In fact, they are considered the benchmark for humanitarianism. And they were introverts.

David Keirsey published a book about Presidents of the United States. He profiles them based on their personality type, and he found that the United States has NEVER had an INFJ president, nor has it ever had a President of the NF temperament (a President with an "iNtuitive" and "feeling" preference). So in this book 'Presidential Temperament: The Unfolding of Character in the Forty Presidents of the United States/With Supplement' when it comes time to profile the INFJ or the NF temperament, Keirsey profiles Mahatma Gandhi and Eleanor Roosevelt.

INFJs Sometimes Need Help Soothing Their Nerves

Being an INFJ, I get overwhelmed quite easily. It does not help to have people tell me, "Oh, just stop being so sensitive." To tell an INFJ not to be sensitive is to ask them to murder themselves. Out of our sensitivity comes wonderful things. But our sensitivity needs to be protected. Some books I have found helpful in dealing with a world thatoverwhelms me are:

'The Highly Sensitive Person'

'The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook'

'The Highly Sensitive Person in Love : Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You'

'Visionary Path: Guided Journeys for the Mind and Spirit' is a CD of guided imagery meditations that I have found very helpful. Lucinda Bassett, author of 'From Panic to Power : Proven Techniques to Calm Your Anxieties, Conquer Your Fears, and Put You in Control of Your Life', reads a meditation called "Mountains." Others who participate are Diana Krall, Nona Hendrix, F. Murray Abraham, and Roberta Flack.

INFJs are prone to anxiety and depression

INFJs, perhaps more than another type, deplore war and violence. Since wars are on-going in this world, there is continual cause for INFJs to be depressed. It's not that we "like" being depressed. It's that we genuinely care about people.

An author who has really helped me deal the anxiety and depression I occasionally deal with is Lucinda Bassett. Lucinda is the author of 'From Panic to Power : Proven Techniques to Calm Your Anxieties, Conquer Your Fears, and Put You in Control of Your Life' and 'Life Without Limits: Clarify What You Want, Redefine Your Dreams, Become the Person You Want to Be'. Lucinda is also the creator of the famous ATTACKING ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION program that anyone who watches late night TV will be familiar with, due to the informercials (Lucinda has also been on Oprah, Regis, etc.). She is the president and founder of the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety.

In her books and the program ATTACKING ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, Lucinda Bassett says people who suffer from anxiety often have the following personality traits:

They have a keen way of picking up how others feel.
They are sensitive people.
They are often very analytical.
They often take on others' emotions and distress.
They not only want to do things perfectly.
They want to be perfect.
They want to be understood.
They do not like conflict.
They focus on emotions.
They sometimes have unrealistic expectations for relationships (often are let down by the realities of relationships [i.e., romanticize things]).

Interestingly, these are all the basic traits of people with an INFJ personality.

Further Recommended Reading for INFJs

INFJs are often spiritually minded people. Some books I have found helpful and interesting are:

* 'A Course in Miracles (Course in Miracles)' is a self-study book about spiritual psychotherapy.

* 'Peace Is Every Step : The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life' is by Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh. He was nominated by Martin Luther King jr. for a Nobel Peace Prize.

* 'The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson' Researchers believe that Emily Dickinson, famous for living a solitary life and isolating herself, was an INFJ. For an interesting book about Emily Dickinson's world, try this book: 'The Dickinsons of Amherst'

Have a suggestion for this page?

If you have any suggestions for books to be added to this guide, email me at: ssehgal@halfvalue.com

10/29/02 - Just received this suggestion from a fellow INFJ: 'The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World'.

12/7/02 - Just received the following suggestion from another INFJ: 'The Sensitive Person's Survival Guide: An Alternative Health Answer to Emotional Sensitivity & Depression'.

7/16/03 - And a new book has been suggested by a fellow INFJ: 'Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto' and 'Type Talk : The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work'.

10/24/03 - A new recommendation: 'Emotional Genius : Discovering the Deepest Language of the Soul'

11/18/03 - And another recommendation: 'Dating, Mating and Relating: The Complete Guide to Finding and Keeping Your Ideal Partner (Pathways)'